Why I Decided to Become Celibate

Back in the day, I used to tune into a Sirius XM Radio Show called “The Love & Sex Show with Dr. Jenn” (love herrrr!!). People would call in with their relationship questions, and she had a kind & gentle yet no-nonsense way of talking sense into callers. She always said it straight, with a touch of humour and an F* bomb sprinkled here and there. One of the major pieces of advice she would give someone coming out of a relationship, was to wait at least 6 months to a year before dating someone else, because no matter how OK we think we are, there’s always some stuff we need to work through after a relationship ends.

That really stuck with me because I’d always dated the next person soon after the last. “Waiting”, especially THAT long, was uncharted territory for me. But, without that much needed rest period in-between, we’re less likely to “pick ‘em right” the next time.

In retrospect, I’ve realized that many of us chase after and enter into relationships with people who don’t add to our quality of life, simply because we are terrified of being alone. BUUTTT being without a significant other doesn’t equate to being lonely. It definitely has its benefits. Not only does being without a significant other give you some much needed time to breathe, but it also gives you the ability to make choices for yourself that are not tied to what’s best for someone else.

I really wanted to call in to “The Love & Sex Show”, but I didn’t because I knew what Dr. Jenn would say ….I’d already gotten my advice vicariously through other callers who had slightly similar stories to mine. Deep down I knew she would agree with my gut and say it was time to end the relationship I was in… a relationship that for some reason, I had talked myself into tolerating. But since I obviously wasn’t ready to do anything about it yet, I never called in.

The dilemma. The internal conflict.

I felt God was calling me into a deeper relationship with Him, but I was so wrapped up in pleasing my flesh and living my life how I wanted to. God was tugging on my heart, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to start living a life of restraint and accountability… even though I knew deep down it was what was best for me (especially knowing the direction I was headed).

I was dating someone who discouraged my belief in God every time I brought Him up… someone who took every opportunity to dangle sin in front of me. So there I was, not only fighting with myself internally, but also fighting the person I’d gotten into bed with. I definitely played a part in it too. One day I was down for the usual, and the next I wanted to clean up my life and live for God. I had one foot in Christ, and one foot in the world. I hadn’t made up my mind on how I wanted to live, and he could tell.

I had to make a choice.

Ultimately, I chose to end it because I knew I would never be able to fully give myself to God while I was with someone who reveled in the sin that I was struggling to overcome. Gnawing inside of me was a deep desire to stop having sex, smoking weed, and doing all the things that didn’t encourage my spiritual growth.

I started to want God’s best for me.

I wanted to finally give myself to God fully and deepen my relationship with Him.

This excerpt from Megan Goode in the book “The Wait” is the best way I could describe where I was in my life at the time.

– “Actively deciding to wait was not about me finding my guy. It was about the fact that some of the relationships I’d been in were destructive to who I was as a person, and to who I wanted to be in God. I played a huge role in this. I knew better. Everything was in disarray, and I needed to let God put the pieces back together. It was time for me to not be stagnant in my growth and to choose to take my relationship with God deeper and closer.” –

After being led to a church service one particular weekend, I had an emotional encounter with God when He met me where I was…in my brokenness. I decided to take a leap of faith, trust Him, and surrender it all to Him. I quit smoking weed, walked away from my relationship, and made the decision to close the ‘kitchen’. It was November 2015 when I decided to become celibate, and sometimes I’m still in awe of how much God has changed my life since then.

No one can love us like God can. No one can make us FEEL as loved as God can. Nothing can fill our voids and satisfy that deep-seated hunger like God can.

God took an imperfect, broken soul, and started putting the pieces back together. One by one, He revealed the areas of my life that needed healing. He shined His light in my darkest corners and permeated them with His goodness. Cleaning out my wounds hasn’t been easy, but restoration was a necessary part of my journey into becoming who He created me to be. 15 months later, He still continues to work on me; teaching and growing me with each passing day. He continues to solidify my identity and foundation in Him, while revealing His purpose and plan for my life.

I can honestly say that giving God the reigns was the best decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t know what to expect or what it would look like, and I don’t always know where He’s taking me next, but He’s worked things out for my good enough times for me to trust Him as my GPS.

If you’ve found yourself in a situation where nothing you’ve done so far has worked, I encourage you to try surrendering it all to Him. If you’re in a relationship that you know deep down isn’t serving God, and you want to start living for Him, you can order a copy of ‘The Wait’ on Amazon – this book really put things into perspective for me at a time when I really needed it.

Remember, God honors sacrifice.

Indulge in Him!

Val

#Mood

This song says it best right now: “Since your love got a hold of me, I’m a new creation, I’m forever changed. In you is all I need, You’re my breath, my life, my everything”. I love worshiping to music that expresses how I feel in the moment. It allows me to get closer to God as I sing to Him how I feel.